Hit Or Miss

Well I do not have much to say today, but I wanted to get on here and say something. Sometimes I feel that if I don't have positive "progress" to report, then I have nothing worthwhile to post. But, this is my struggle, and I am guessing if you are reading this, you are struggling too. I know many of you have found your answer, and you work towards a healthier life every day, and I enjoy reading your blogs. My travels seem to always have me moving forward one step and back two. Right now I feel like I am at an intersection where I must choose which direction I need to continue. Hopefully the road I pick will not be fraught with continued whining and self-pity.

I haven't been to Weight Watchers since early June, and I emailed my leader this week to tell her not to give up on me, I will be back. I have no weight loss whatsoever to report here, which makes me sad and mad at the same time. While in Florida, my mom and I shopped at my favorite hometown store, and I bought all my clothes for the October cruise, including a gorgeous dress. But, instead of buying clothes too small and "hoping" I would fit into them by then (haven't we all done that?), I faced the facts and bought clothes that fit me currently. Everything was a 2X top, and an 18 pants. That's what I am today. I bought everything with tank sleeves- I will be in the Caribbean after all- and I don't care that my upper arms are flapping with excess fat. My gym membership expires this month, and considering I haven't been since last year, it is time to let that go as well.

Not to say that I am giving up! But I continue to be in limbo, and I continue to search for strength from deep within me to win the battle. It's too bad my worst enemy is myself! The struggle to make the right decisions should really be nonexistent, because there is nothing standing in the way of me eating right and exercising, except for me. And yet I every day get in the way of myself working towards any goal. And it is only going to get harder, as I have already started increased hours at work that will take me into the beginning of next year. One day last week I went in at 6:30 am and worked like a demon until 9:30 pm that night. I depended on caffeine and sugar to fuel my body and mind through the hours, and that can't go on day after day, week after week.

I always spend so much time and money on looking my best on the outside, with the right jewelry or purse, or spend an hour at Ulta trying to pick out the perfect shade of hair color or toe nail polish, and my big worry these days is finding a cure in a jar for the wrinkles around my eyes. I wish I spent a fraction of the energy on making the right choices to take care of myself on the inside. I know what the answer is, and it's not bacon cheeseburgers and fries, or Starbucks, or falling asleep on the couch.

SANDY