Friday, February 11, 2011

Three Weeks

Three weeks- that's how long I have until the surgery on my right shoulder. After meeting with the orthopedic oncologist this week at world-renowned Emory, he decided that whatever the little blips are that showed up on my MRI, are most likely benign. Which is certainly what we wanted to hear. But, I still have to have surgery. They will remove the mass, send it off for a biopsy, then do a bone graft. He said he will use a synthetic substance and that my bone will eventually grow over it, and that even an MRI won't be able to differentiate. The procedure is out-patient surgery, I'll be in a sling for about 1-2 days, and out from work for a week. Then about six weeks before I will be considered 100% recovered and can resume all activities.

The only problem is, they are not sure that this is the issue that is causing all the excruciating pain in my shoulder. There is still the large calcium deposit attached to a tendon right in the same area, and a lot of fluid building up there as well. My local orthopedic surgeon believes THIS is what is causing me pain. So there is a potential that I may need another surgery shortly up the road.

I am agreeable to whatever it takes, it has been five weeks of this and I can't take much more of it. Right now, they have me on so much pain medication- including Percocet and Oxycontin and two different muscle relaxers- I'm surprised I can put my shoes on the correct feet. But, I'm still chugging along at work, and trying to hide from everyone exactly how much pain I am in. I don't even think my husband realizes how much I hurt. I have to work this Saturday, I'm off on Sunday, but then starting on Monday James and I will be both be working 12 straight days without a break as we finish up our company's massive computer conversion. I am hoping like crazy that I can get through this.

For weight-loss related news, at least the numbers are moving in the right direction this week. The weight that I lost was not caused by any real effort on my part, I think it's more that I've been living off saltine crackers and ice water. The pain meds have killed my appetite and made me horribly nauseous. But, my weight did creep down a little, so I will count that as a victory for this week. At least something good has come about from all of this! Can't wait to play the Wii again, I miss it.

I will post again soon. Thank you all!


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Time Standing Still

Here is the view from my back deck today, I've taken photos from here before and posted, and I never get tired of looking at the landscape. I'm lucky I don't live all crowded-up in a tight neighborhood. I've been sitting out there reading, James had to work today, and it's so gorgeous and sunny out, hard to believe the Weather Channel says we may have more snow again this week. I don't think I'll ever see any development to spoil my view, and I hope I don't, but you never know.

I have not been ignoring my ticker tracking my weight- the number on my scale has not moved in the last two weeks. I am not surprised because I don't feel as though my efforts have been all that committed. I feel I do well during the day at work, because I stay limited to what I packed in my lunch box- for snacks, for lunch, one diet soda. And I am counting and tracking my Weight Watchers points. But the evenings have sort of tripped me up. We continue to eat out too much, but I continue to make poor choices, compounding the problem. We've been eating out because of our ongoing long hours at work, and because I never plan ahead for dinners.

One night this week I cooked up a big batch of something in the slow cooker, but it was hardly edible. This morning I put a turkey in the oven at 7am, and while I was out running errands, James took it out and carved it up. So hopefully that will encourage us to make a few dinners from it. Our problem is, by the time we get home from work, there is no time to cook dinner, we need something that can get to the table in about five minutes. It's been about 8 hours since we had lunch, and there's no time for me to spend even 30 minutes on making dinner. So we talk ourselves into stopping to eat on the way home. Unfortunately, there's only one restaurant directly in our path homeward, and I'm about sick of it.

Right now, it's been hard on both of us, because so much time is being spent lately on me- doctor's appointments, trips to the pharmacy, and just me being in agonizing pain. I get through my workday watching the clock, wondering when I can take another pain pill, and how long it will be before I can punch out and run for the door. I go to Emory University up in Atlanta on Wednesday, for yet another specialist to look at my shoulder. A month now, and no one has been able to stop the pain. This new doctor is an orthopedic oncologist, and he's going to look at the suspicious spots and dots that showed up on my MRI- inside the bone of the head of my humerus.

With other things looming over me, it's been hard to contemplate how many calories are in the caesar salad, or how many points I have left to use on dinner. It is still a work in progress for me, as it always seems to be, and I feel like I never ever move forward towards my goals.

This weekend, it was our five year wedding anniversary. Instead of enjoying the moment, all I could think of that morning when I weighed is that I've gained 40 pounds since then. Sad, why I focus so much on something that I do so little about.