Whenever I find a new blog to follow, I like to go back to the beginning and read all the posts. I like to get to know that person, see their struggles and successes. Yesterday I sat and read all of my posts, since I started this blog in 2009. Surprisingly, it didn't take very long to get through them all. I would post for a few months, then drop out of sight for awhile. I've written about all my excuses, all my set backs, but hardly any successes. Reading my posts from 2009, I felt as though I could have written them now four years later.
When I started my blog, I was not working after our move here to Georgia. I was going back to my Weight Watchers meetings and following the plan. I slowly lost weight, from the 245 pounds I was at the end of 2008, down to 211 by the time I finally went back to work in late 2009. In the time that I worked, I managed to gain the weight back and get into the 240's again, but for the last two years my scale has stayed around 220-225. I will give myself a very tiny pat on the back for that maintenance, if you can call it that.
I am back down to 211 now, going back to Weight Watchers again, and in my fifth week of non-employment. I feel as though it has taken me four years, but I am back to my starting point of the blog again. So I can only move forward this time. I voluntarily gave up a very secure job and a very large paycheck, in order to stay at home to focus solely on my health and my weight. I'm grateful for the opportunity my husband has given me, to tackle these issues without the burden of the stress and long hours of my job. I have zero excuses, really.
Yes, we still go out of town a lot and we still gallivant on the weekends. I will always eat at restaurants, I will always have temptations. Hopefully I will not always keep making the same bad choices. I even have the WW app on my iPhone now so I can look up the points for any restaurant or fast food- I can't use "not" having my Eating Out book with me as a reason for choosing an unhealthy meal. If I keep making the wrong decisions, keep making the same old excuses, then this blog is pointless. No wonder no one is following me. Who wants to read the same thing day in and day out. And I don't want to keep writing the same things as I was writing in 2009 either.
I see so many of the old blogs I followed are no longer around, or the last posts were from one or two years ago. I would say at least half of the blogs I used to read, need to just be deleted off my list. I want to find new ones to read for inspiration, and they really do give me a glimmer of hope. Everyone else is struggling with my same issue, and everyone else keeps plugging away at it day by day, hour by hour, just like me.
I can't control every situation in my life. We have to eat out sometimes, we have to be out of town. I have to leave my comfort zone. That's part of life. The only constant is ME. Even if the only choice is a fast food place, almost all of them have salads with low-fat dressing- no one is forcing me to order a burger and fries and large Coke. So why do I keep making that choice over and over again, knowing what the results will be?
When I told James yesterday that I skipped my WW meeting because I had a gain, I could tell he was disappointed. I said, I don't have to weigh in on Tuesday, I have all week to make it to a meeting. I'll go another morning. He said, sometimes you just have to go and face the music. And that's true. Pushing my meeting back 1 or 2 days, just to avoid seeing a gain on my WW log, is sort of petty and defeats the purpose of sticking to the program. It's playing games, and frankly that's not very becoming or genuine. I know next week my schedule will be off, because I have appointments on both Tuesday and Wednesday mornings, so I'll have to get to WW when I can.
But I will get there, they have meetings there every day of the week but Sunday, so there is no real reason to miss one as long as I'm in town. And I will get there this week too. I weighed at home, I already know I had a small gain, so if I already know it- what good am I doing by dodging the scale at my meeting? None whatsoever! I have lots and lots of meetings in my future, and ups and downs at each one of them. And hopefully, lots more blogging to do here too.
SANDY
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