New Determination

I am digging down deep these days to stay determined and keep motivated.  The biggest change has been my husband traveling full time.  Although he was barely home during the week due to his 13-14 hour work days, we still had a morning routine and an evening routine revolving around lots of coffee and then a big dinner late at night.  Now that he's not home at all during the week, it's given me the opportunity to change my own personal routines.

I am shocked that, without him here in the early mornings, the two of us reading the newspaper together at the table- I have NOT been making coffee!  I thought I couldn't live without coffee, but when I get up now I simply have no desire to make it.  And we stopped the newspaper on weekdays, so there is no reason for me to spend the first hour of my morning sitting on my butt, lingering.  I've always skipped breakfast because, after two big mugs of coffee filled with sugar and creamer, I was never hungry.  Empty calories did not make up for the fiber and calcium I'm now getting in my morning cereal, my new routine.

Dinner is also light, and early.  Gone are the days of finishing up a big plate of food at 8:30 at night, only to go to bed an hour or so later.  I now try to eat dinner no later than 6pm, and something light because let's face it, I'm not going to "cook" for just one.  I've never been a night time snacker, and eating earlier so far hasn't tempted me to start noshing in the evenings.  I've been trying to keep less of the pointless carbs in the house, and instead I've been turning to fruit for my midday treats.  I do love a good crunchy sour apple.  And frozen pineapple shoved through my Yonana machine makes THE best sorbet you could want on a hot summer day.

I've been spending the extra "me" time in the evenings to kick ass on the treadmill.  I'm up to 4-5 miles a day, and for me that is great.  Someone else might say, well that's just a warm up.  But I have to travel on this journey at my own pace.  Having the Fitbit has helped, and James and I can challenge each other and compare steps every day.  I had set my original goal at 10,000 steps a day, but I've been busting that easily.  I'm going to raise it to 15,000 soon.

So far we're going into the fourth week of James traveling, but my hard work has yet to show up on the scales.  I am still backsliding on the weekends when I'm with him, and that's the pattern I have struggled with the most.  What I spend all week losing, I gain back in a matter of 48 hours.

But I'm proud to say that James is working on his weight and health as well.  His goal is to get off all his medication for his high blood sugar, cholesterol, and blood pressure.  At the hotel he's been getting on the treadmill every day, keeping fruit in his room, and eating salads when he has to go out.  The company allows him to spend up to $50 a day on food, but he's barely spending half of that.  His first day in town he hits the grocery store for apples, crackers, peanut butter, celery.  His meals out have been salads at Panera, which I steered him to because I believe their ingredients are cleaner and healthier than say, Wendy's or McDonald's salads.  Maybe I'm wrong and I've fallen for the hype, but he has been eating lunch there several times a week and he loves it.  I expect that the extra pounds will start falling off him in no time!

I admit I've been discouraged because the scales are not moving in my favor.  But I confess I have not been tracking my points.  I am probably eating a lot more during the week than I think I am.  I haven't been measuring portions, and even too much of the healthy high fiber cereal, can add up to a weight gain.  So today I start tracking.  Again.  I think it will be an eyeopening week.  But I'm hoping that as long as I continue to trek those miles on the treadmill, and get my daily diet in order, surely I will finally start to see the results I'm hoping for and expecting!

SANDY

Looking Back

I have a friend who is doing the Weight Watchers at work program.  She, along with most of the people in her group, is kicking butt.  She started less than a year ago, and she's already lost close to 40 pounds.  There are ladies at her meeting who have lost 60 or more pounds.  I am so very proud of her, my dear friend.  It was the first time she joined WW, after hearing me talk about it for so many years.  And now I feel like a fraud.

It made me realize that I'm not investing enough time or energy into the program.  I haven't tracked in months, and although I've been getting on the treadmill every day lately, it has been so very inconsistent that it seems pointless.  I know with January looming, we will have the annual influx of new members at the meetings.  Trust me, I know.  The first time I joined WW was in 1993, and for most of those years, I was always a chronic "reoffender" as my leader calls it.  In other words, I would go for awhile, then drop out, then start coming again.  And it's true.

All except for this time.  Once I started going back to WW last year after I stopped working, I haven't "quit".  But, like my exercise routine, my dedication to WW has been spotty.  And so are the results.  I decided to document the truth:

• I rejoined WW at the end of April of last year.   
• My weight was 219.6 pounds.   
• Since that time, there have been 84 weekly meetings.
• I have attended only 46 meetings. 
• My current weight is 208.2 pounds.

Of course some of those weeks we were on vacation or gone for holidays, but the sad reality is that I am only half-assing the program.  And so my results are just as pitiful as my attendance.  At one point earlier this year, I was down to 194.8 and was working on my 25# award.  Back in October, after skipping meetings for almost 6 weeks (and going on a cruise), I came back with a gigantic 15 pound gain that I am now, during the holidays, struggling to overcome.  Having said that, I am not dismissing the 11 pounds that I've lost.  If you told me I would shed 11 pounds every year, I would be ecstatic.  It may not be much, but think of the alternative- gaining 11 pounds every year!!  I am trying to continue to stay positive and not beat myself up for just having a "small" loss over the last year and a half.

But I'm optimistic after the past few weeks- coming back from our Florida vacation with a loss, and surviving Thanksgiving with another loss.  If I can do that, I can get through the Christmas madness and start January off on the right foot.  That is, until we leave on January 17th for our 15 day cruise.  That will be another challenge unlike any I've ever faced.  Plenty of opportunity to get tons of exercise but also to overindulge.  I will just have to make the right decisions every day.  More time in the gym, less time on the balcony reading.  More water, less cappuccino.  And number one for me- stay out of the bread basket that accompanies every meal!

One change that has been for the better, is getting the Fitbit.  I'm still very satisfied with it, and I'm glad that I got it.  I know the new ActiveLink is out, and yes it tracks all this new stuff.  But the reason I love the Fitbit is that James decided to get one too, to help him stay on track with his exercise program.  And so now it's something we can share.  James doesn't follow WW, so the ActiveLink was of no interest to him.  The Fitbit has given us a common tool. We send each other challenges, or notes as motivation.  His syncs to his iPhone, and mine to my iPad, so we can sit down and compare our stats.  He has set daily goals for himself and makes himself meet those goals.  He's very competitive and I'm finding that keeping up with him- and his newly found enthusiasm- can only boost my own weight loss.

SANDY

Coasting

Last week was a bit of a bust.  I was sick with a stomach bug all week, spent three straight days in bed without getting up.  The next few days I was able to crawl to the couch.  That was pretty much it.  But I now have proof that the Fitbit works, because it recorded ZERO activity points for me on those days!  I didn't make it to yoga, didn't make it to Weight Watchers, didn't make it to the treadmill.  My husband had to pick up my slack and do the housework.  I couldn't even walk down the driveway to get the morning paper.  Sure I lost a few pounds, but only because I didn't eat much while I was sick.  Not really a long-term solution!

I am seriously in need of motivation and goals.  I feel like I am just drifting along.  I say I'm on the Weight Watchers program, but I haven't tracked food in so long I've forgotten what my daily points total is supposed to be.  I thought our upcoming vacations would be enough motivation.  We will be in Florida next week, and Hawaii in January, and I had promised myself I would lose weight before both trips.  In Florida, I wanted to shop for new clothes for Hawaii.  But since I haven't lost any weight at this point, I'm not sure that new clothes serves any purpose- it will all be the same big plus sizes that I already have in my closet- who wants more of that?  If a two-week cruise to Hawaii isn't enough to get me to shed the extra pounds, what is?  Every year when we go on a cruise, I come home and look at the photos and I just want to throw them away.  It seems that every vacation, there is something we didn't get to do because of me- I was tired, I was hurting, I didn't feel as though I could physically continue.  We probably will never have the chance to go to Hawaii again- I do not want to come home from this trip with any regrets!

I'm still carrying extra weight from our cruise in September.  It didn't come off me as easily this time.  I was looking back over the calendar for this year, and I was at my lowest in April.  Today I'm 14 pounds more than I was then.  I had just finally gotten down into the 1's, but I couldn't stay there.  I am frustrated.  Frustrated with me, with my non-progress, with my lack of any real hard work.  I have all the tools right here at my fingertips.  I have no excuses- no job, no children, a husband who is gone almost 13 hours a day.  I live in a quiet neighborhood with no traffic, I have a treadmill and TV and iPod set up in the basement if I don't want to walk outside.  I have access to all manner of fresh fruits and vegetables and healthy groceries and clean water.  I subscribe to all sorts of health magazines, I have online tools and apps and a fitness monitor.  I have new sneakers sitting in the closet.  So what is my problem?  I have the things that some people can only wish for, and I feel like a fraud for choosing not to use any of it.  Why can I not only stay on track, but get ON the track in the first place?

I don't want this post to be about self-loathing, that doesn't help the situation.  And I don't want it to be a lot of whining and lame excuses.  I've got to reach down there inside and find some kind of drive and desire to keep me focused.  What is it about me that, instead of putting on my walking shoes and strolling up and down my street, I sit down in front of the TV and watch another episode of "Bones" that I've already seen a dozen times?  What is the answer?  Even today, I'm supposed to be packing and cleaning the house in preparation for leaving on Friday afternoon, and instead I'm spending my time on unnecessary things like making chicken stock and working on pottery.  I can't seem to stay committed to the main task in front of me.  Apparently this is an issue that goes way beyond just my weight loss efforts.  I get in my own way, and make it more of a challenge than it needs to be.

I've repeatedly set goals for myself, some daily, some "at the end of the month I want to weigh...." type goals.  Nothing ever seems to come from that.  Even daily notes to myself- "two miles on the treadmill!!" don't seem to move me in the right direction.  One step at a time.  My WW leader says to make the goals small, doable, so I will feel as though I have accomplished something instead of feeling as though I've failed.  I can't even get the little goals crossed off my list.  Why is it that living a healthy life and making commitments and the right decision, is 90% mental!

SANDY

Return Policy

I made myself a promise I would get back to the blog.  I need something to help me stay focused on my weight loss efforts.  Those efforts have drifted off somewhere into the ozone lately, and I'm determined to find them again.  So the blog seemed like a good place to start.  It seems that many of the blogs I used to read are gone now, and I'm going to seek for new inspiration and motivation out there.

Earlier this year I was humming along, doing great, down in the low 190's for the first time since before I got married.  I was dedicated to Weight Watchers- tracking, going to my meetings.  I wore my ActiveLink from the time I woke up until I rolled into bed at night, always aiming for those 100% days.  I had started back with yoga again at a new local studio.  I even started buying up TV show collections on DVD because I was doing over an hour a day on the treadmill.

Everything fell apart this spring.  We went on a nice vacation out west.  I hurt my knee on the trip, so once we got back home, I stopped going to yoga "until it healed", which has turned into a continued absence.  I slacked off on my daily treadmill addiction.  The less I moved, the more I started to hurt everywhere, so the less I moved- to a point where I was ready to go to the doctor and ask to be tested for arthritis.  The pounds started to creep back up on me.  I would miss a WW meeting here and there.  Then another vacation at the end of summer, and more weight gain with still less movement.  When we got home, I promptly lost my ActiveLink and have been searching under every piece of furniture in the house.  I know I lost it at home, because I clearly remember that day and I never left the house.  But that was weeks ago, and I haven't yet found it.

So now I'm on week seven of having skipped my Weight Watchers meetings.  I haven't tracked in two months.  I can't remember the last time I stepped on the treadmill two days in a row.  And lately my answer to a hassle free evening has been ordering pizza for our dinner.  I am out of control, and surprise, my weight is back up in the 210's.  NOT where I wanted to go, but the excuses and the lying to myself have taken me there.

I'm ready to get back to it.  I'll return to WW this Friday and face that scale.  I will take out my tracker and get back to writing everything down and sticking to my daily points allowance.  I'll buy a new ActiveLink and start a new challenge.  I will wipe off the cobwebs on the treadmill in the basement, but plan to start walking outside now that the autumn weather is so enjoyable out there.  I will absolutely go back to yoga, since I have 15 more prepaid classes to use before they expire in December!

Back to the blog- I will attempt to post every day, at least during the week since our weekends are normally spent out and about.  I don't know of any other way to continue on the right path.  Weight Watchers has always worked for me, if ONLY I stay on the plan!

SANDY

Staying On Program Is A Full Time Job!

(In Windsor Ontario, on the Detroit River.)

This morning in our Weight Watchers meeting we talked about slip-ups, and how we respond to them.  Do we "act" or "react"?  Everyone in the room raised their hands when our leader Marci asked if we had ever slipped up while on Weight Watchers.  I would find it hard to believe if anyone has not.  I know I have, many times.  And in the past, I would allow my slip-ups to multiple into landslides, until I was in such a bad place mentally that I would simply abandon WW and the whole weight loss process.  I would give up.  I would let one or two instances completely derail me and I would throw in the towel.  But not anymore.  That was reacting, and in a horrible way.  This time, I am all about action and moving forward, no matter what.

One of the ladies in the meeting admitted that on weekends, she just continues with her bad habits and choices, and then works extra hard during the week to lose before Friday morning.  Then her cycle started all over again as soon as weigh-in was "over".  Another lady said that on her weigh-in day, she thought of that as a "freebie" day and ate whatever she wanted the rest of that day.  Lots of folks nodded, including me.  But that was how I used to behave.  It was always about meeting and beating the number at the scale every week, and like those ladies I manipulated my diet and exercise on certain days, depending on how closely the day was to weigh-in (or how close it was to being the day after).  I basically stayed on the program part time.

Sure, this morning after my meeting I would have loved to stop at McDonald's for a breakfast combo and large Coke.  In the old days, I would have, I would tell myself okay I lost a pound at weigh-in so I can eat this and I have all week before I weigh again.  But I didn't even consider making that choice, and I came home and had my whole wheat toast, and I don't feel unhappy or cheated one bit for doing that.  

It used to be that one fast food breakfast on a Friday morning would turn into a weekend of nonstop noshing, with me telling myself I had "time" to get back on track by Monday.  But as the lady at the meeting said, by doing that, she just had to work harder during the week to lose what she gained over the weekend.  I would do that, I would lose a pound at my weigh-in on Friday, then gain 2-3 pounds over the weekend, which meant come Monday I would act crazy trying to lose 5 pounds just so I could continue to see small losses at the meetings.  Sounds stupid when you put it that way, doesn't it?

So now, come Fridays after my meetings, come the weekend, my diet and exercise plans do not change.  The day of the week should have nothing to do with me getting on the treadmill or eating a big salad for dinner.  And so far it's worked.  This week, coming back from vacation, I had a two pound loss.  After vacation.  In the past it would have taken an extra month to lose what I would have gained on a week long trip.  In the past I would have said, it's vacation, I can "take a break" from my weight loss efforts.  But I did not do that on this trip, and I'm proud and excited that it paid off.  I am proud that I can say, I LOST weight while on vacation!  Yes, James and I ate out three meals a day in restaurants (no fast food), and we had snacks too.  But first and foremost, I continued to exercise on this trip, and if we didn't get in enough walking during our sightseeing excursions, then in the evenings I put my sneakers back on and headed out for another walk along the river.

I made very deliberate choices about my meals on this vacation, especially at breakfast.  Not once did I order any kind of combo or platter.  I always ordered from the "sides" menu.  Normally I just had toast in the morning.  At lunch, if the sandwiches were monster portions, I just ate half, and again I didn't order combos- no fries or chips.  At one lunch, James and I even shared an entree and I still didn't finish my half.  At dinner, I also watched my portions.  I would only eat half, or eat a large salad, and one night I even ordered an appetizer as my entree.  I did not feel deprived for one single moment at any restaurant.  In fact, one of the best dinners I had on the entire trip was a big salad at a Max & Erma's, and we ate many great meals.

I let James snap a photo of me (above) on the trip, and normally I don't like to have my picture taken because of my weight.  But this photo really made me notice how baggy my clothes are on me now.  Even with the 25 pound weight loss, I'm still wearing the same size, and I am starting to realize that by wearing overly large clothes, it's actually making me look heavier than I am right now.  It's a good feeling to have, instead of tugging at shirts that are too snug and clinging to every lump and bump.  I'm not quite ready to get out of the plus size section at the stores, but I know if I keep this up, I will be strolling out of there very soon.  

I did not give up my substantial income to stay at home and half-ass this.  If I don't lose the weight this time, I know I never ever will.  I will be 50 in a little over three years.  I spent most of my 20's, all of my 30's and my 40's very overweight and tired and frumpy.

It has to be NOW!!!  Yeah!!

SANDY

Keep On Moving!

Wow, down to 207 now.  A loss of 1.8 pounds since the last check-in.  Tomorrow I have my weekly Weight Watchers meeting, which I skipped last week due to the laziness of the July 4th holiday.  We ate healthy for the holiday, just the two of us at home.  Everything came off our new smoker- nothing was fried, nothing had mayo, no desserts, no soda.  Just lean meat and veggies.  Our "side" was a nice loaf of ciabatta from the bakery, but instead of butter we roasted garlic and spread on it.  It was absolutely delicious, and we were both very happy.  Neither of us felt deprived one bit.

But the continued weight loss has been assisted greatly by my ActiveLink.  It was totally money well spent.  I am so happy I decided to get it, and it has been such a useful tool.  Not so much for calculating my Activity Points for Weight Watchers, because I don't even look at that or use it for that.  But just as a motivational tool, to keep me moving more.  The graphs and weekly reports are helpful by giving me a daily goal to meet and insightful by breaking down my activity by the hour (above), by the day (below), and by the week.

I am currently in week five of the 12-week challenge (below).  You can see the line on the graph, showing a subtle increase for my weekly goals throughout the whole challenge.  Every week it will be a little harder- it will take more and more exercise and activity to reach the 100% mark.  My week starts on Tuesday, because originally that was my Weight Watchers meeting day (I've since switched to Fridays).  Last week it looks like I was a bit slack, but other than that, I see every week where my activity has increased.  I think this has really been key for my losing weight this time.

Because the Link is right there, hanging around my neck from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed, it's very hard to ignore.  And that helps keep me motivated too, because I can check on my progress at any time, I don't have to be near the computer (there are green light indicators on the Link that measure my activity progress in 25% increments).  So in the afternoon I can see, wow, I'm not even at 75%, I better get back on the treadmill.  Even my husband gets involved, and he'll ask me what level I'm at for the day.  If it's after dinner and I'm not at 100% yet, he'll suggest we go outside for yard work, or sometimes a quick walk in the neighborhood.  And yes, he is losing weight too, and looks great!

The ActiveLink is just one tool I've been using, to keep me focused and keep me motivated.  We're also changing our eating habits at home too, a little more every day.  This time of year, we've brought in a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables.  It makes me happy to see James reach for an apple as a snack, and I feel good about myself when I take a midday break for slices of fresh pineapple or watermelon.  Back in the old days at the office, a midday snack would have been chips or crackers.

I feel as though we are both making the right choices these days, and I know my behavior and decisions- what foods to buy and cook, not sitting in front of the TV at night- are also influencing my husband's health as well.  So that's a double bonus!  He doesn't even have to join Weight Watchers and he's getting the benefits.  He has punched new holes in his belts to get them tighter, but his pants are still about to fall off him lately.

We do leave for vacation in 10 days, and we've already discussed eating less and lighter, not only for our diet but to save money too.  We all know that most restaurant portions for "one" are actually closer to 3-4 servings.  And the hotel we're staying at is a block away from a five-mile walking trail along a river, so I am definitely packing my good sneakers and I will have my ActiveLink securely around my neck the entire trip.

SANDY

Back On Track

It seems as though a lot of my weight loss focus is always on getting back on the right path.  I know some people can stay dedicated to a program 24/7 and never have to look back.  I have my ups and downs though, and I think realistically most of us do.  But I let my "downs" get to me.  Today I skipped my Weight Watchers meeting because the scale showed a big gain.  Big as in, pretty much everything I have lost since joining, I regained in one week.  It wasn't much of a total loss to begin with, but it was enough that it made me feel a sense of accomplishment and success.  I won't skip my meeting completely, I will go one morning this week.  Just not today.  And I am trying not to beat myself up about it.

Last week when my dad was here and in the hospital for his broken hip, I barely ate all day for the whole week.  So when I weighed in last week, it showed a big loss.  But over the weekend I fell into my self-destructive trap of eating out several times, and not even trying to make healthy choices.  Fried chicken tenders, pasta, Cokes.  Last night, even though I cooked, I did not even bother to measure the amount of food I put on my plate.  And I haven't exercised in about two weeks, since we were in  Alabama.

All of that added up to an ugly number on the scale this morning.  I know it sounds childish, but I really love that Weight Watchers hands out charms and awards for milestones, and I've always used that as one of my motivations to keep on going.  Plus, I have my Pandora bracelet that I bought last year- with a charm for every five pounds lost- and I still have to lose about 15 pounds before I can allow myself to wear it again.  I know, rewards are shallow and not a "reason" to lose weight, but everyone needs that carrot dangling on a stick out in front of them.  Right now I'm too far away from my ultimate weight loss goal to even think about it, but I sure would like to wear my bracelet again.  I can see that right in front of me, and it's a closer goal to attain.

Vacation is looming, only seven weeks away, and once again I have that challenge of being able to fit into my summer clothes and being happy with how I look in our vacation photos.  Will I be healthy enough to do the things we will plan, will I get too tired too quickly?  Can I keep up with my husband, or will I be a party-pooper and want to fall into bed too early?  I want to be able to enjoy our trip without any nagging pains or exhaustion to ruin it for me.

SANDY